Yesterday wasn’t the best of days; I slept like ten hours (which for me is a not-good sign) and then felt exhausted for most of the day, as if I hadn’t slept at all, and multiple cups of coffee (and a caffeine pill) didn’t seem to help at all.
I also ran 4.6 miles. Yeah, and had I known it was 4.6 miles, I would have stayed out longer to make it an even 5.0. And then I stayed up for like five more hours, because night runs are way too exhilarating for their own good. Oh well. Guess I wasn’t actually tired after all, just more jerkbrain lies.
Trying to train myself out of saying “I can’t” again; as far as I’m concerned, if my brain can lie about anything, it means I pretty much have to test everything empirically, just in case. And no matter what it says, I’m never too tired to run, apparently.
Computerphile is awesome. Here is how you shouldn’t store passwords. Personally, I’m less than happy with the idea that all sites should just connect to our Facebook/Google accounts, but it’s definitely better than storing passwords in plaintext.
Apparently the marathon method of doing things I don’t want to do is fairly effective. pdoc appointment quickly followed by buying new bras (hate hate hate hate doing this, I am not a woman, I’m genderqueer arg) followed by picking up the lithium is more effective than having to psych myself up three times to get things done. Despite the long T rides for each of these.
With regard to starting lithium. I’m hoping this goes okay. It better go okay. Please let it go okay with minimal side effects. Please.
With regard to buying bras. Yes. I have small breasts. Yes, I would like compression bras, preferably in a natural material. Arg. Please. None of this nylon/polyester bullshit. Cotton. I would like cotton. And yes, I said compression. Compression, not push up. I know I sound a privileged little wanker for complaining about this stuff, but seriously. Arg.
Why have I never considered knitting on the T before?
Emacs M-x spook: EuroFed Perl-RSA 9705 Samford Road Peking computer terrorism Becker [Hello to all my friends and fans in domestic surveillance] HAMASMOIS AK-47 nuclear CID secure weapons of mass destruction Bletchley Park CDMA
Not….really? I don’t know. I’d rather have the company of adults over the company of children, especially young children, and I’d rather be alone than have company at all, but frankly I don’t actively dislike children; I’d…just prefer to not be around them.
Also – little kids have a tendency to be noisy and chaotic, and I like to avoid noisy and chaotic people.
2. Why did you opt out of parenthood?
Oh. There’s quite a few reasons.
1) I’m bipolar and absolutely refuse to transmit this disorder to someone else. Bipolar disorder is fairly genetic; if I were to have a biological child, ze would have a fairly decent chance of inheriting a disease that has left me wanting to die for eight years.
2) I’m bipolar and absolutely refuse to get off medications. Because I tried that for eight years and let me tell you, for some people, there is no such thing as “managing your mental illness through lifestyle changes.” I worked out for 2.5 hours a day and ate super healthy. No go. Meditation – no go. Yoga? Nope. Getting lots of sunlight?
….I’m from Texas.
There’s effectively zero chance that I’ll ever be capable of managing this disease sans medication. And given that how delicate brain development is, I’d rather not risk more mutations/developmental defects than necessary.
3) I like to pretend I don’t have a female body. And this actually works pretty damn well most of the time. I really don’t need nine months of extra special gender dysphoria, thanks. One week a month is bad enough.
4) I don’t want to be a parent. Frankly, this should be reason enough.